I AM NOT FLAWLESS

“Why…? Maybe because… wellΒ NO ONEΒ posts about their issues on social media. See on here we can live a lie. We can filter our flaws, or post pictures that convince others we live a luxurious life when we truly don’t.

So… this is for those searching for someone to relate to, for someone who isn’t perfect, and for someone who has flaws as well. “

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Soo… here it is…

Sharing my flaws/low points literally feels as though I have walked outside naked.

I’ll take $500 now

Right now: 
I literally want to do anything but this

I guess I just didn’t think at 21… I would be having to think about or even consider filing for disability

You know… when I was bedridden and attending SIUC this is what I did. I couldn’t help it. I scrolled through social media with my major anxiety, depression, and pain (+more) jealous because no one else has 3-4+ doctor visits every week, or bawled every night with their roommates because NO DOCTOR could figure it out! ( Thanks Bri, Cory, & Noah btw) I craved to look for AT LEAST ONE person with the same struggles, but guess what? I didn’t…

Why…? Maybe because… well NO ONE posts about their issues on social media. See on here we can live a lie. We can filter our flaws, or post pictures that convince others we live a luxurious life when we truly don’t.

So… this is for those searching for someone to relate to, for someone who isn’t perfect, and for someone who has flaws as well. So for you I’ll do this…

#IAmNotFlawless

1. I’ll share a personal health issue

2. I’ll share a relationship issue

3. I’ll post a picture I DON’T feel I look “perfect” in

1. I have more than Lyme Disease which is why I always say I have CHRONIC LYME, as if Lyme isn’t bad enough. 

Oh here’s a good one… while attending SIUC neurologically I wasn’t functioning up to parr & my instructor actually pulled me into his office and asked me if I was dyslexic.

2. There aren’t any issues because there is no longer a relationship.

3. Let me find one… Here… 

Let me point out my flaws my left (your right) eye looks bigger than the right probably because I have a flare up of increased eye pressure in that eye (a symptom..). My hair… I don’t even have to explain it I literally woke up like this. I also haven’t had my eyebrows waxed in at least a year. I have never gone to EIU my mom bought this from Goodwill. I weigh about 87-89lbs right now… oh and what you don’t see… I haven’t shaved my legs in at least 3 months (thank goodness for thin hair & the inabililty to zoom in). Oh and since we’re keeping it real… I was going to crop this picture because of what I am wearing, but honestly this is more conservative than a girl wearing a swimsuit or even of one breast feeding in a facility.  I’m smiling, but it hurts so much. How much? Combine dementia, bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia (specifically trigeminal neuralgia), dylexia, migraines so bad you want to drive into a building, depression, anxiety, the list goes on– lyme is completely neurological. 

See, I try to make it look easy, but it’s not at all honestly even without Chronic Lyme…

As some of you know. I have more going on than someone at 21 or actually anyone at any age has to go through. 

I want to heal so that I can share all I’ve learned and help others as well even those that aren’t affected by a chronic illness by preventing them or their kids from ever being affected. I want to help people with issues from Major Anxiety or drugs addictions – MS, Lupus, thyroid disorders, and more. I have so much information in my lap for those that want or  I can’t just throw it away! I want to treat the true issue not the body’s reaction.

All I have ever aimed to do was help others…

πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ–πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

Do I feel weird doing my own fundraisers? Ha! Trust me it makes me want to cry when people I know or “use” to know pass by me at my raffle stand… I don’t want them to see me like this. I don’t want to stand behind my own raffle table on a Thursday, Friday, or ANY night for hours. I feel as though I’m asking for spare change… Can you imagine how inferior and insecure that would make you feel? No one prepares you for that.

I also love the ideas given to me like

1. a 5k, 

2. car wash, 

3. dodgeball tournament

and more but I am ONLY one person and can only do so much. 

 One thing that keeps coming back is that you can only rely on yourself. I keep getting people saying if I need anything or I’ll do anything, but those words don’t become actions. FALSE HOPE is the worst thing you can give in this situation. Your drive shows how much you care. Excuses show how much you don’tYou don’t find time for things that matter, you make time. I  am so driven because I care. I have no choice but to care. Unfortunately out of sight out of mind doesn’t apply to me.

Being 21 year old girl with… a bill like this because you had cavitation surgery (necrotic sites in your jaw, I had 6)

 and having to try to figure out how to raise at least $50,000 for just your main 8-week treatment to be cured from something that could’ve been been prevented if it would’ve been treated when it was acute. IT IS very UPSETTING & FRUSTRATING. & I have to pay for treatment before recieving it. 

What I have been hiding is that Jess actually has to be treated too. Everything I have he has  (as proven by live analysis) and eventually will become more active as time goes on. So not only do I have to figure out how to save my own life, but his as well. ARE YOU OVERWHELMED YET? I AM.

 I am only about 1/15th to just my treatment. 😩

I want to at least convince myself I’m just a 21 year old girl. When you’re sick you already feel like sh*t, you probably don’t want to look like it too. I mean patients with other illnesses wear wigs.

 People with Lyme have a disguise too.  

  I have a disguise too… 

“It’s okay not to be okay”

If you would like to help click on the link below.

https://www.facebook.com/carolinascure/

See my goal isn’t to spread awareness. What good will that do? I am not working this hard for the soul purpose of awareness. You are aware about Dementia, Diabetes, MS, And Cancer. What is that doing? I ACTUALLY want to duo something about it. My purpose is to… 

1. HEAL ASAP 

2. Carolina’s Cure Foundation: to help others

(financially, emotionally, physically)

Other foundations only help slightly and just financially that isn’t enough

3. Open a preventative facility: to prevent it from happening to you & your family

4. PA School (Your mind would be blown with all that I’ve learned)

Modern medicine is about symptom management, not solution-based. That’s unacceptable in my eyes. Truly living a healthy life isn’t possible if you’re not rich. So are you just going to sit down and accept it? Or stand behind me?

 
I refuse to give up simply because finance is the issue. I am others hope and I want to heal so that I can be in a position to share all I’ve learned and help others as well even those that aren’t affected by a chronic illness by preventing them or their kids from ever being affected. I want to help people with Major Anxiety or drugs addictions to MS, Dementia, and more! I have soooo much information in my lap I can’t just throw it away! I refuse to let this stop me, but instead I’ll allow it to fuel me.

If I died tomorrow I know not one person could say “She didn’t try hard enough or she could’ve done more.” I am confident of this because I am aware that I am working myself to death, but I would rather die trying. 

How you handle success is important but more importantly is how you handle failure.

Sharing my knowledge: PART 1

Education is important. Prevention is key. I care so I’ll share.

1. Radiation Safety

In clinicals I always noticed that radiographers were willing to do anything to create an optimal image. They would lift patients more than 3x’s their size or even go as far as to stand in the PRIMARY beam.

I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t enjoy that. No doubt I do love helping others reach wellness, anyone can see that but sometimes you have to be selfish in order to be selfless. It just wasn’t for me. I wanted to do more. 

Patients should also be considerate of the radiographer and help themselves as much as possible. 

You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself. Patients should also realize that as radiographers we are exposed to radiation daily, where as they just get a few exams done and they leave. Radiation accumulates overtime, IT DOESN’T MAGICALLY ERASE OR DISAPPEAR.

2. Overexposure to yourself and patients

In radiology you learn about ALARA (As low as reasonably achievable). Basically you should be exposing patients to the least amount of radiation possible, I could definitely do that! The thing that gets me and I may be over exaggerating, but ordering a whole body CT scan on an 11 year old with a broken wrist is a bit over the top… or when no lead shield is even offered to me. 

I hope you’re aware that you CAN refuse exams. We live in a society where we think doctors know best. That’s not always true at all. If that was the case I wouldn’t have been misdiagnosed for so long. I wouldn’t have gone through over 30+ clueless doctors within the past year alone. You have to be your own health advocate.  

No one knows your body better than you. We rely too much on others. That we don’t care to educate ourselves.

3. Radiation Protection

Everyone is exposed to a level of background radiation, that is enevitable. Through my journey I have learned how uninformed healthcare workers are on radiation protection. Some hospitals, clinics, dental offices don’t even shield. Oh… and I bet you never get all 3 of these: thyroid shield, lead glasses, or lead apron when you get x-rays at your dental facility or for any cranial related exam.

Your thyroid and eyes are two of the MOST RADIOSENSITIVE organs in the human body, yet we allow them to be exposed without protection at least once a year.

X-ray travel at the speed of light isotropically (in all directions). [Anode heel effect]

 

What does that mean?

That means that xrays do not shoot in a straight line. It means if you had to get an xray of your elbow your forearm, hand, shoulder, the rest of your body would be exposed to some extent. Lead aprons, glasses, thyroid shield could lower or even omit the dose to other organs. 

I’ve heard it all… the excuses…

“It’s as much radiation exposure as a banana”

Wait… What?! πŸ˜‚

That’s what some hygiene students at a university level are being taught. I’m sorry but I don’t want them taking my pano or bite wings.

“It’s equivalent to the exposure you recieve from a microwave”

Whaaaaaaaat?! That’s completely false. They are even on TWO completely different sides of the electromagnetic spectrum.

I have heard this too often and that’s when I realize I’m not in very good hands & I want to run. Microwaves and x-rays have TWO completely different forms of electromagnetic frequency. They’re not even on the same side of the spectrum. 

You have to remember they are working for you. You are not working for them. Take care of yourself. Ask for lead shields and some will look at you like you’re crazy which is fine… you worry about you not what they think of you. Don’t feel sorry for taking proper precautions.

Sorry, but if I can avoid radiation-induced cataracts or pathologies, I will. Healthcare workers should as well, I mean that’s why they’re here- they care about bettering your health, right?

Take care of yourself, because no one else will.